Holiday gatherings have long been fraught with unsolicited comments about food, bodies, and weight from extended family. But this year, between Ozempic’s ever-rising popularity, the MAHA movement’s headline-making “clean eating” agenda, and social media’s constant commentary about celebrities’ bodies, it’s fair to assume that you may be facing these conversations even more frequently.
Small talk about diets or observations about someone’s apparent weight loss often aren’t malicious, but they can certainly be triggering, and they can get in the way of genuine connection. It’s hard to open up to someone when you’re worried about them commenting on the size of your body or the amount of food on your plate.
As an eating disorder dietitian, I know a thing or two about how to shut down food and body shaming, however casual or unintentional it may be. I spend a lot of time during the last few months of the year role-playing these tricky situations and helping my clients feel more prepared to handle them.
If you’re already anxious about navigating unwelcome remarks about what you eat or how you look over the holidays, you’re certainly not alone. I asked therapists and a few other dietitians to share some great go-to responses for common comments you may face throughout the festivities.
1. “I’m working really hard to focus less on my body right now. Let’s talk about something else.”
If you cross paths with someone you haven’t seen in a long time, they might comment on your body in a way that they think is complimentary. Think: “You look great! Have you lost weight?” or “Wow, you look so tiny in that dress!” If you practice body neutrality and don’t subscribe to the idea that thin is best (it isn’t), these interactions can be extremely uncomfortable. You might also struggle with how to react since the person you’re talking to probably has no idea that what they said was anything but positive.
“You can appreciate someone’s intent in offering what they believe to be a positive comment while gracefully offering a correction and redirection,” Amber Stevens, PsyD, licensed psychologist and clinical director of Galia Collaborative in Cincinnati, tells SELF.
The best response in this case, Dr. Stevens says, is one that acknowledges the comment’s intent but shuts down further conversation.
She suggests trying something like: “I think you meant that as a compliment, but this is a sensitive topic for me that I’d prefer not to discuss. What have you been up to lately?” Or maybe: “I’m working really hard to focus less on my body right now. Let’s talk about something else.”
2. “All bodies change over time for a variety of reasons, so it makes sense that their body may look different.”
Even if your body isn’t a conversation topic at this year’s holiday gathering, someone might try talking to you about how someone else’s has changed. And while some people might consider this run-of-the-mill gossip, it’s actually incredibly harmful.
